i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
