They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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