Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
