we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
