I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
