One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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