Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
