I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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