life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
