I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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