I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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