let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
