You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
