i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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