Me. At least after what I've been through.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
