I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
