i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
