I accidentally burped into my bong.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
