I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
