I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
