she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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