How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
