i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
