he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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