So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
