Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
