do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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