If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
