I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
