The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
