Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
