You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
