matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
