Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
