my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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