This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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