my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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