She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
