Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
