let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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