I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
