I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
