ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
