We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
