the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
