we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
