Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
