can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
