Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am available for nakedness
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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