hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
